Monday, 16 March 2009

• Compliments

  I used to be the sort of person who couldn't take a compliment without launching into some sort of ramble on what worked or didn't worked or what could have been better. In other words, rather than smile and say "Thank you", I always felt the need to justify or explain why I didn't deserve the compliment. I put it down to my insecurity or low self-esteem.
  
  I am much better now. I think I have trained myself well enough to be on automatic-pilot, to smile and say "thank you" when I receive a compliment... even when I don't fully agree with it. And the simple "thank you" really helps me put things in perspective. And I feel that there is a different brighter vibe in myself, and in the conversation and ultimately in the relationship. When receiving a gift, say thank you. Why dump it on the ground and change the subject?
  
  It continues to surprise me when I meet people who are older than me who cannot or will not accept compliments. People who would sooner try to change your mind than to simply accept that the spirit in which the compliment is given. Are these people insecure or what?
  
  I remember complimenting my BF years ago...  this was before we became a couple.
  
  My compliment on his cooking was met with: "It was too dry, I had it in the oven for too long...blah blah blah". And I would be all "No No! It was wonderful". And anyway, maybe the turkey really was overdone (it tasted good to ME!) and maybe he was right - he could have done a better job, but the point of the compliment was really to say: I think you're cute and I like your cooking and I hope you will consider inviting me over for dinner again...
  
  Needless to say, my BF's self-deprecating response made me think him as either a culinary perfectionist or having low self-esteem. And I had a feeling that it would take a lot more work (and time) to get a second dinner invitation... Yes and Yes and Yes. :)
  
  This weekend an acquaintance asked me about a project that I was working on. He wanted to see it and instead of showing it to him I rambled on about unsatisfied I was with it... how it could have been better... that I had no objectivity like the audience because I was too emotionally-close to it, blah blah blah. And I caught myself saying all this shit and realized that I was acting intolerably insecure... and ...
  
  So OK, I have learned to accept compliments with a simple Thank You but I still suck at self-promotion. When someone puts me on the spot and says "Show me your stuff" or "Tell me about yourself", I freeze or flounder. I want to change the subject. Gee I wish I knew how to get over this one.
  
  
  

  

  • 1:31 PM
  • 13 Views
  • 2 eProps
  • 2 Comments