There are usually 3 reasons for my insomnia:
1. I had coffee after 5pm
2. I am on deadline and can't stop thinking about stuff I have to do
3. I am really upset and angry and I can't make my brain shut up
Before I took the benadryl last night, I had these heated thoughts spin around endlessly in my head so let me write them down. Lay the shit to rest.
SHOCKINGLY IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLETwo people have made me really angry this week. Not the sort of anger where you fight it out. It's the case of someone saying something to you which shocks you to hear, and leaves you in shock for a while (like being stabbed) before you realize that what was said was pretty F-ed up and by then the shock and hurt turns to anger and you wish with all your might that you had a good "comeback" for the comment. You wish you had responded differently to the person but now it's too late. It took too friggin' long for you to process those emotions. The person probably doesn't even know that what they said was hurtful. Or maybe they intended to hurt you and that's even more F-ed up that you sat back and "took it". And now you are stuck with raw anger and your brain is working overtime trying to make up for not having reacted appropriately. Your brain won't let you sleep until you come up with a solution to overcome this anger.
(welcome to Mars in Aquarius)
PERSON #1 - lives somewhere in my neighborhood. I don't know when I am going to run into her. How can I cut someone off if I never know when I am going to see her? Once my dog snarled at her dog and ever since then, whenever we run into each other, this woman calls my dog BAD DOG at the top of her voice so that everyone around can hear and she repeats this over and over before dragging her own (snarling) dog away. Whenever she does this, I focus on keeping my dog calm and seated so I never have time to respond to her... I am in shock that someone will openly abuse someone else's pet/child like this and think it's OK. And I kick myself everytime that I let this happen. It makes me SO ANGRY. Yeah, angry enough that I can't stop thinking about it.
PERSON #2 - I read her blog. Encountering the real person that she is behind the wise and cheery, generous-hearted resilient know-it-all facade that she presents on her blog, was a shock to the system. I asked this person for help and tried to verify that her services covered what I needed help with and to my shock, this woman not only refused to help, she claimed that I am doing something morally wrong by asking for help. What's F-ed up was not the "sorry I can't help you" part, but that in a passive-aggressive way, she passed a moral judgement on me for even asking. When I asked her to explain what she meant, she refused to reply. Refused to communicate. Now I don't know if she was even aware that her email responses were highly unprofessional and emotionally-irresponsible/insensitive... or that she was invalidating an issue that I was totally serious about. Probably not. The more I think about it, the more angry I get. This blogger sometimes claims to be "misunderstood" - now I see why. Her interpersonal communication skills leave little to be desired and I should know better than to entrust my personal issues with someone like this. I am SO ANGRY I let her say what she said to me and get away with it.
Post a Comment